NESessities of Life – Wario’s Woods

Genre
Puzzle

Dominant Algorithm
Brick-drop/Brick-lift/Brick-lay/Brick-move/Brick-get/Brick-destroy/Brick-Justkillme

Gameplay
Wario has hollowed out the trees in his forest and filled them with different-colored rodents that can be blown up with like-colored bombs (or, occasionally, diamonds). The core of the game bares a strong resemblance to Dr. Mario (and every other brick-drop puzzler on the NES). The biggest difference is that Toad, controlled by the player, waits at the bottom of the brick-well and is able to move the pieces around in an effort to clear bricks.

Sweetness
This game spit in the face of all other brick-drop puzzles by allowing you to manipulate puzzle pieces after they had dropped. This effectively flips your focus from what’s going on at the top of the well (the next pieces) to what’s going on at the bottom of the well (the fell pieces).

Weakness
That distinction will likely be lost on all but the most dedicated brick-drop aficionados. Also, the controls are as loose as the elastic on the pair of underwear I threw out this morning because the elastic on them was as loose as the controls in Wario’s Woods.

Invaluable Lessons
1) Rodents and viral infections are destroyed in similar ways.

2) The End ain’t the end. After the credits roll, you’re back to work bombing again. As soon as you finish a project, you are on to the next thing and don’t be surprised if it’s a lot like the last thing but more difficult.

3) Beware those with names that are just normal names but with the first letter replaced with a ‘W’. If I ever meet a Wesse, I will punch him forth-right and without remorse.

Still Fun?

Sure. Why not? The difficulty in the final stages is absolutely unforgiving. That being said, you won’t be grinding your thumbs down. The controls are too loose for that (Toad takes his good old time picking up bricks). But, you will get really tired of Wario crashing into the tree causing bombs and bugs rain down on you.

Relevance Satellite to the Paradigm Shift from my Youth
This game occupies a morally gray area in the Mario canon. Why on earth is Toad blowing up all these cute little rodents? It is absolutely and needlessly hostile.

I got into this game for a week or two in high school. I did that the exact same week I picked up a copy of Stupid Stupid Stupid by Black Grape. The two now co-exist under a Pavlovian link in my brain. When I see those bombs fall, I can still hear Snakes Eyes and Daddy Was A Baddy echoing in my head.

Here is the first track off that record. Enjoy. I know you will.

Jesse Koester is a film producer working in Tokyo. His work can be found at www.iceblockfilms.com. Jesse is equipped with a a front-loading zero insertion force (ZIF) cartridge socket and this is NOT a design flaw.