Genre
Action

Dominant Algorithm
Rush/Attack

Gameplay
Run right, young soldier! Run right stopping only to stab. And, when you are done stabbing, stab some more. Should your blade dull, steal the enemies shoulder cannon and shoot. Shoot straight, young soldier.

STAB STAB STAB!!!

Sweetness
The sweetness is right there in the title. As a kid, I didn’t once consider that the title was spelled “Rush’N Attack”. It was always and only Russian Attack. Such transparent propaganda is the definition of sweetness. It is sweetness extract.

Weakness
This game basically took the two greatest curses of 8-bit gaming and fused them inextricably. It is hard as hell with mind-numbingly dull backgrounds.

Some of these games are just as visually mundane as they want to be.

Invaluable Life Lessons Which I Still Apply To This Day:

1. Russians are a weak breed. One stab with a little knife, even in the ankle, and they fall quicker than the Iron Curtain.
2. As per tradition: one lone soldier, equipped with naught but a knife, can fell a continent.
3. Just imagine how sweet it would be to shoot missiles at mountains. This thought can consume a young man for hours on end.

Still Fun?
Yeah. But only if you don’t have access to Code Name: Viper. It’s basically the same game with crappier graphics and less variety of play.

Relevance Satellite to the Paradigm Shift from my Youth:
This game is an effective introduction to war propaganda. The “Kill Them All” mentality compliments the double-entendre of the title. The enemies are weak but plentiful and the level backgrounds depict endless rows of tanks and missiles ready for launch.

The enemies in Code Name: VIPER were all members of a drug cartel, a plot point used to justify their deaths. In Rush’n Attack, their crime is being a commie. Their sentence, death.

McCarthy would piss himself with joy had he lived to see this game.

Fan Art:
Fan Art is not guaranteed on these old games. Rush’N Attack is among the games that never inspired mountains of ironic portraiture. So, instead of including fan art, I am just going to post the strangest pictures that came up on Google Images when I searched “Rush’N Attack art”.

Ah! The power of sun… AKA SUNPOWER!

This dude is certified handsome.

File under: “Questions guaranteed to never offend anyone anywhere ever.”

Settle down, internet. I know how you feel about Anne Frank jokes.

God only knows how Google’s algorythms linked this to Rush’N Attack.

The lame/awesomeness of community theater.

By the way, any requests for next week’s column?

Jesse Koester is a film producer working in Tokyo. His work can be seen at www.iceblockfilms.com. Jesse’s disk system is the only way to play DokiDoki Panic, the game that was later re-appropriated for Super Mario Brothers 2.