NESessities of Life: Castlevania

Genre
Action

Dominant Algorithm
Whip It/Whip It Good

Gameplay
You assume the persona of Simon Belmont, a vampire hunter. Simon whips his way through Castlevania, a castle. There are power-ups along the way and the standard dangers known to side-scrolling adventures (moving platforms, pits, a deluge of enemies).

Considering the game’s subsequent legacy, the first incarnation is disconcertingly free from things like ‘story’, ‘characters’, and ‘plot’. Belmont simply walks up to the castle and enters. From there, it’s bloody carnage until the credits roll.

Sweetness
Konami games, as we’ve discussed, often lean towards the amazing. In Goonies 2, it was the difficulty ramp and the sense of exploration that made the game fun. Castlevania hit on something entirely different but just as important: atmosphere. As you play, you get the feeling that there are vast and important things just outside the scope of your character’s perspective.

The torn curtains and cracked walls tell a tale of violence past but not forgotten.

Beyond the stone pillars, dusk is falling. What nightmares lay just beyond the setting sun?

The NES hardware allowed for 48 colors and 5 shades of gray. That is considerably less than the millions of colors we now take for granted on all displays, from cell-phone handsets to hi-def TVs. Konami managed to create incredibly evocative images despite the hardware limitations.

I count 7 unique colors in the above image and it still captures the foreboding mystery the series is famous for.

Weakness
The controls. TThe infinitely frustrating controls. Simon is beyond sluggish. He moves at about half the speed of his demonic opponents. To add insult (and often more injury) to injury, he also suffers from Megaman Syndrome (the disease than makes you fly backwards, frequently down a pit, when you are touched by an object that has been defined as an enemy).

Invaluable Life Lessons Which I Still Apply To This Day

1. Simon Belmont runs around a dream castle collecting hearts and he is still a badass.
2. Simon Belmont is a self-described “prima-ballerina” and he is still a badass.
3. Simon Belmont is the most badass homosexual in gaming to date.

Still Fun?
It’s difficult to write this game off as ‘fun’ knowing that Symphony of the Night is out there as well as a host of titles on the DS. As one of those legendary “games that started it all”, it is interesting. Unfortunately, the game shows a bit too much age in terms of controls and limited story.

Relevance Satellite to the Paradigm Shift from my Youth
The series holds 7 (count ‘em, 7) Guinness world records including “Most Games in an Action Adventure Series” and “Largest Number of Platformers in One Series” The surprising thing is, most of these entries aren’t just good, they are great.

The franchise has dipped into 3D a couple times, with severely diminished returns. In a series that places such high value on lush art and detailed design, polygons simply don’t offer the visual precision necessary to suck the user in to the world.

This series also joins Mario and Zelda in a trend that was evidence of an industry still trying to define itself in its early, infantile stage:

1st Game – Introduce the staples of the franchise, blow minds
2nd Game – Play with the formula a bit too much and confuse everyone
3rd/Subsequent Games – Back to the basics, expand on them, birth a classic

Fan Art
I hate to say it, but the fans can get stuffed this time around. From here straight through the comments section, you are getting nothing but paintings by Ayami Kojima. Any and all dissenters with be drowned in a pool of Holy Water and decapitated with a razor-edged boomerang. To soften the blow, we will start off with awesome big-boobie babes and then move on to tubular effeminate dudes.

See? Now this is what Castlevania is all about. Her cups runneth over.

This is slightly more modest, but still lush art. While on the small end of the spectrum in the gaming world, that buxom would be considered more than ample in the real world.

This is the miracle of Ayami’s art style. At a glance, this looks to be natural. But, look closer. Each breast is larger than this blond waif’s head. How does that work?

Enough women. Let’s … ahem … get into some of the men of Castlevania. Nothing says battle-ready like a pair of knee-high leather boots with 2-inch heels.

Looks like someone is about to administer a big-old spanking.

This dude is a little thin for my taste.
Hyuk hyuk hyuk~

Even Ayami’s ugly characters are gorgeous.

And, a little bit of booby bondage bat babe to round things off.

All right, internets: When did this series peak? Was it Symphony of the Night? Castlevania 3? Or, was it one of the DS iterations that really made you happy?

Oh, and Castlevania 64 is the wrong answer.

Jesse Koester is a film producer working in Tokyo. His work can be seen atwww.iceblockfilms.com. Jesse supports 5 sound channels. And don’t be surprised if he allocates one of the channels designed for sound-effects for the percussion in the music.