NESessities of Life – Nightmare on Elm Street

Genre
Platformer

Dominant Algorythm
1… 2…/Freddy’s Coming for you

Gameplay
The game is actually rich with a variety of game-play elements. Unfortunately, not one of these elements was refined to the point any aspect of this game could be considered fun.

You roam around Elm Street trying to collect Freddy’s bones (or wrenches, it’s hard to tell which). When you are asleep, the baddies are really wicked, like the devil or ghosts.

But, kicking a radio will wake you up and return things to slightly less haunted. But, still haunted. Just less.

Collect all the bones and you can fight a boss (lucky you). Every now and then, Freddy will show up and slash around. It is your responsibility to punch him until he runs away.

Sweetness
Fred Krueger.

Also, the game doesn’t have a pause screen. The programmers were thinking too far outside the box for something so mundane.

Weakness
Everything else. In particular, screens so over-loaded with sprites that they glitch.

The real kicker about that is that the frame is unfathomably empty and boring. The color scheme is mundane and the actual sprites are taking up a tiny portion of the screen. But, somehow it’s still too much. Go figure.

Invaluable Life Lesson Which I Still Apply To This Day

1. Whatever you do, don’t go to sleep.

But Is It Still Fun?
Nope. Never was, really.

Relevance Satellite to the Paradigm Shift From my Youth
This game was programmed by by a company called LJN, who was responsible for a mountain of film-to-game adaptations, many of them mediocre (even for adaptations). As we discussed before, Nintendo had strict limitations on how many games any given company could release in 1 year. Companies like Tengen tried to get around this limitation by breaching patent law and stealing the lock-out chip.

However, LJN was an example of a much cleaner solution to the problem. LJN was actually a division of Acclaim Entertainment, a company keen to capitalize on the money-making potential of the NES. Let’s do some math:

Nintendo’s intended equation: D x 5 = G, where D=developer & G=games produced annually by D.

Resultant equation: (D+S) x 5 = G, where S=number of subsidiaries of developer

Acclaim wasn’t the only company to invest in multiple external development houses. Those Ultra games you played? They were all Konami games.

The wackiest thing about Acclaim outsourcing to LJN was that LJN didn’t have any in-house developers. They outsourced to other programmers.

Mixed Media (click to enlarge)
In the 80′s, Freddy Mania had consumed the nation (whatever that means). And with it came the crappy plastic crap. But, Freddy was host to some of the strangest merchandise on the market. For example:

Don’t you remember doing The Freddy with your best girl at the senior prom. Who doesn’t? The best thing about that track is Robert Englund, who is clearly enjoying himself.

Stress at work making your veins pop out your forehead? Try this fantastic product. It’s called a Squish’em, but why limit yourself? Not only can you squish, but you can also squash, flatten, and/or floor ‘em.

Stress at work causing premature pattern male baldness? Tell your boss off by having Freddy spit in his fucking face with the Freddy Fright Squirter!!! Freddy’s glee is palpable. Yours will be too.

For the man with discerning taste, consider this luxury yo-yo. Notice the quality craftsmanship of the on-orb art. Behold the stellar image alteration in which they took a promo still of Freddy and added on a couple yo-yo strings to make it look like he’s having a grand old time. But, aren’t the blades supposed to be on the right hand?

Let’s round things off with a stellar interview with Robert himself:

Next week: Another LJN Classic – Friday The 13th. Be there.

Jesse Koester is a film producer working in Tokyo. His work can be seen at www.iceblockfilms.com. Jesse is also coming for you.

Previously on NESessties of Life….
Fester’s Quest
Magmax
Toobin’
Castlevania
Rush’N Attack
Pipe Dream
Kirby’s Adventure
Marble Madness
Codename: Viper
Wario’s Wood
3D World Runner
Goonies 2
Punch Out!