An Open Letter to Wizard “Magazine”

Dear Wizard “Magazine”,

Seriously? So I read an article on iFanboy regarding the major changes in cancelling your print magazine and going online.

Let’s look at some of the simply brilliant things you had to say:

“I have resources all over the world to help us leverage our content now in a format that everybody has access to.”

Yes. It is called the “internet”. We may have heard of it. Welcome to the year 2000, jackwagon.

“Well, right now, there’s a lot of clutter out there. People don’t know what to buy. People don’t know what to read. People don’t know what to believe. And when you go to a store, whether it’s online or offline, it’s very intimidating for a consumer without having pre-bought the product, and they don’t know what it’s going to be about. They don’t know whether they’re going to like it or not. They’re going to need to know how to cut through that clutter.”

Weren’t you the moron that helped foist 3D holographic, 12 rare metal foils, 1/8th issue mega-spectacular limited edition copies of “Mr. T and the T-Force”? I would not trust you to recommend toilet paper, let alone good comics.

“Well, we’re calling ourselves…we are going to be, and we have been…we are the pioneers of pop culture. So we are going to continue the dominant influence that we’ve had on people’s taste and what people will like and what people will want and because we have the influences out there, we have the people that are the people that the companies are looking to reach, and we reach them en masse all the time.”

My gods, man. GET OFF THE PIPE!

“And I personally find, and I think a lot of other people do, that websites are pretty worthless in their ability to have an impact on an audience and we don’t want to be that, because we have a tremendous influence on our audience.”

“A lot of times, if you see people that complain about it, they haven’t bought the magazine or read it in a very long time. So, I think from that perspective I don’t listen to the critics.”

Right. Because everything you do is perfect. And the speculating on comics you helped foster was not a bad thing. You are Diamond’s wet dream made flesh.

“In the meantime, when you look at what we have done over two decades, it’s pretty extraordinary how we have been able to influence people’s taste and what we have exposed them to, and people that are working in the business that would never have been working in the business today.”

YOU ARE TO BLAME FOR LIEFELD!!!!! And probably parachute pants. I am calling the Hague up to file charges for your crimes against humanity.

At one point the interviewer asks you about what information may be shared. While you could not “go into specifics”, you assured the interviewer that if you share any of your personal info, it will be given anywhere that will help you make money.

Basically, you have more spin than Bill Clinton on his best day. Just watching you is inducing motion sickness. You can easily be compared with Glenn Beck in the category of “crazy things people say that should not be believed”. True, I stepped away from Wizard magazine a long time ago, and will not be heading back, not even now that it is free. I have moved on to better lovers, Wizard. Your smooth talk and Drakkar Noir does nothing for me.

This has been an open letter to Wizard “Magazine”.

You can read full interview here. Be warned, as reading it may cause you to get an aneurism.