Why I Can’t Play Pokémon White

As anyone who listens to BLR on a semi-regular basis knows, I don’t have the opportunity to play video games as much as I would like. So when I do get hold of something I can play, I tend to binge-play it and until I realize that I haven’t slept in two days. Given these facts, you’d think with my recent procurement of a DS and Pokémon White that today I would be writing about how I’ve stopped going to work because I haven’t been able to put my DS down. This is not the case.

I’ve had the game for a week now and have played it once. For thirty minutes. That’s it. I’m still on Route 1. And for some reason I just can’t motivate myself to play any more of it. I have some theories as to why I can’t jump back on the Pokémon band wagon, which I hope that some of you may be able to relate to.

First I must mention that the last Pokémon game in the franchise I played was Gold and Silver, which I played when it first came out. I was 12 years old. Last summer I decided to replay Blue after finding it in a used video game store, and still had the same rush of addiction when playing it. I almost completed the Pokedex and everything… I just couldn’t find a friend who still owned a Gameboy, link cable and Red in order to trade the exclusives. It was pretty heart breaking, but thankfully it also broke my obsession, so that in September I could be a proper student.
Since Silver and Gold there have been 11 new Pokémon games and over 300 additional Pokémon added to the list of things I need to capture. That, needless to say, is pretty daunting. I know that realistically it shouldn’t be. After all, you don’t need to be an expert on each Pokémon; you just need to catch them. This just gives you more opportunity to explore the Pokémon world and experiment with your line up, right?

Wrong, bitches! With approximately 650 Pokémon there is no conceivable way that I could ever sort out which Pokémon do what, how they evolve and where is the best place to find them. This terrifying number makes me cringe at the thought of having to build some sort of Pokedex. Even more than cringe, it pretty much makes me give up on it all together, which gets rid of half of the game’s objective, and any re-playability after you’ve beat the elite four… if they still have that in this generation. I think that Game Freak had a feeling that this would be the attitude of many players, and (according to my research) they’ve made it so that only their new 156 Pokémon created for this version can be caught. Somehow this fact only makes me angrier. I can’t catch and play with the original 150 Pokémon I grew to love as a child? Fucking bullshit! I want a Psyduck, god damnit! This decision makes all of my former Pokéknowledge obsolete. If Game Freak feels like there might be too many Pokémon for one trainer to catch maybe they should STOP FUCKING MAKING MORE POKÉMON! Phew, that felt good. Seriously though, just stop. The new ones aren’t all that cool anyways.

Despite my rant, I do have other reasons for disliking the new game other than the plethora of new Pokémon. My first is that Game Freak is really trying to make the Pokémon world a nice place to be. I know that sounds crazy, but hear me out! You remember how in the first couple games you have an asshole from the same town as you, who becomes your rival throughout the game? Remember how you guys battle it out throughout your adventure, and when you finally pummel him into the ground at the end of the elite four you feel like a rock star? Well in White you don’t have a rival; you have two friends with whom you battle it out for fun. FOR FUN!? Are you fucking kidding me? That takes away all the emotional drive for you to really kick these kids to the curb! It lowers the stakes, and I don’t like it. After all, there’s nothing wrong with some competition, especially in a game where you pit monsters against each other until they pass out. I can’t see myself doing that to a friend’s Pokémon… It just seems cruel. In my opinion a real rival is necessary in a game like this.

As for niceness, the Mom in this game REALLY creeps me out. Your first Pokémon battle is in your room, and needless to say, you completely trash the place. After doing so, you decide to mess it up even more, and battle someone else in your room. Meanwhile your mother is downstairs, listening to this ruckus, and instead of coming up in a furry, she instead waits for you to come down, and offers to clean up after you. Are you kidding me? If this was my mom, she’d come storming in with a frying pan and go Princess Peach on me. I know this incident is completely irrelevant to the rest of the game, but it just didn’t sit right with me… Like I said, Game Freak is trying waaaay too hard to make this place a utopia.

My next complaint is about the graphics. They’re trying to make it more 3-dimensional by giving the houses and stuff more depth. My opinion? Save it for the 3DS, I don’t give a shit about depth perception. That’s really all I have to say about that.

I guess my main concern with the whole game is that it just makes me long for the original ones. It might just be me being an old curmudgeon and talking about how everything was better in the old days, but I can’t shake the feeling. I’m still attempting to work through the game, and who know, maybe I’ll start to like it once I’ve played more. But that’s what’s on my mind this particular Wednesday, so that’s what you goons get to read about. If you think I’m wrong, or have any tips to get me through the rest of the game, please comment!

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